It's all in my head...

This is my therapy... my outlet. My ability to give voice to my thoughts. My opportunity to share my story, and at the same time, an opportunity to provide encouragement - and seek healing. This is my story, and it's all in my head.

It's early in November. Heather and I wake up, take our walk as normal... but an odd sensation is causing some major discomfort on the bottoms of both of my feet. It feels like socks are bunching up under my feet, just where my arches are. I stop, pull up my socks - only to find they haven't shifted down like they sometimes do. The more I walk, the discomfort starts to go away - but never completely. Over the next few days the cycle repeats, but occassionally during the day the discomfort becomes so significant that even walking barefoot makes me want to walk on my tip-toes to avoid having the arch/heel section of my feet come in contact with the ground. During those times it no longer feels tingly, it feels like that part of my feet is inflamed and enlarged. A few days later the tingles start from the waist-down, all the way down the back side of my body.

Starting to get a bit worried, but suspecting I pinched something in my back, I let it go for a few days. I've noticed a drop in sensation everything waist-down - no complete, but noticeable. A few days later when I wake up my right arm feels like it is deep asleep. My last 3 fingers feel unaffected, but my thumb and index finger do not ease up as the morning moves on. Tingles extend up to my elbow, and slightly reduced sensation ran up the back side of my arm, all the way up the right side of my neck.

November 11th comes up. Tonight is the daddy/daughter dance with our youngest and I have been looking forward to, but first I need to figure out what's going on. A quick trip to my local clinic yielded a concerned RN that wanted to consult with other doctors. 2 hours later I'm told to head to the ED in Danville to get an urgent MRI. I arrive shortly after 2pm, and then proceed to go through the basic intake, nervously waiting to get the MRI.

I'm not sure I can say I have claustrophobia, but tight spaces do make me a tinge nervous. At 9pm they finally come back to take me to the MRI. Prayers go up... and I almost fall asleep twice during the scans. Talk about a praise! Almost 2 hours later I'm taken back to my room - 4 MRI pictures head & neck, with and without contrast. 30 minutes later the ED doctor says the results are concerning, but inconclusive. Chest X-ray, blood draws... More fun. FOr the next 2 hours I wait, only to find out I have a 6mm mass in my left occipital lobe, and 2 smaller spots on my right side, and that the ED has requested Neuro to consult.

2am I'm released, saying my labs and X-rays were clear, waiting on Neuro, but there are some concerns about potential multiple sclerosis.

November 14th, office visit with the Neuro. He's pretty sure it's MS. Lumbar puncture scheduled, blood checked to make sure of no infections so that we can look at starting infusions on a 3-day run.

November 21st I go back to get my lumbar puncture, and I get scheduled to have 3 infusions of Solu-Medrol over the next 3 days (ending on Thanksgiving).

Lumbar goes smoothly (great job doc!), and the infusions go like clockwork. Staff was excellent. I'm not a fan of needles, but by now I think I might be broken of that fear. Neuro schedules a follow-up for December 5th after we get the lumbar results back.

So... here we are about a week after the infusions... it's time to go get some groceries, and later on get our Christmas tree. Our middle child is sick, so Heather stays home. I take the other 2 grocery shopping... and it takes me almost 3 hours. In my head, the world is ending. Tomorrow is never coming... but not to spoil things - it did eventually come.

Fast forward to December 5th. Appointment with Neuro goes well. The doc says he is confident it's multiple sclerosis. In the time following the infusions, my symptoms waist-down have reduced to just a slight tingling in the arch area of my feet - no change in my right arm... but this is encouraging nonetheless. Given it's MS, in many ways I'm lucky my ability to walk/use my arms wasn't impaired - yet another praise. Suggested course of treatment is taking Copaxone 40mg 3x weekly - more shots, that I get to give to myself. Life just keeps getting better.

Some back story, my family has struggled with some oddities over the last 2 years or so, so we had already been seeing a practitioner that focuses on homeopathic healing/using more natural supplements/applying diets restrictive in things that are reducing the body's ability to heal. This includes gluten, corn, soy, dairy, etc. I've been making smaller changes since I didn't think I was impacted. That being said, since November 14th I switched over to avoiding as much gluten/corn as possible, reducing dairy/processed meats/anything inflammatory, and limiting sugar - and taking supplements that help with mobility and seeking high quality proteins and things with omega-3s. No sugar in the tea, lots of veggies and berries... and I started picking up jogging again.

In the course of all this I've found you *can* make yourself depressive trying to avoid all the "bad" things, or even by worrying - which at times I already have. Stress management and effective treatment strategies are supposedly key in reducing relapses... and if can have 2 or less relapses in the first 5 years, your odds improve significantly. That's the goal. Faith for me is integral in the stress management and treatment strategy I'm employing - so don't be surprised when Biblical verses pop up - as you may already be aware.

So where am I now? Right arm is the only thing still impacted. Mentality improving. Jogging 3x a week, walking daily. Sticking with as healthy diet as I can. Using resistance bands to help exercise my arms and maintain mobility. After a bit of an insurance debacle, I've just started on my Copaxone injections - though some idiot (me) decided to do them on the mornings of the same days I will be jogging, lol. I've connected with the Mayo Clinic's MS support group online forum, and I'm participating in PicnicHealth to follow my journey and hopefully help better inform the medical community and the public about the (mis)adventures of those with MS. Though it is an abused term in modern society, I truly do feel blessed by my situation, and I want to close with telling all of you why: because God is good.

You see, for the last almost 2 years I've been praying that my faith would work it's way from being head knowledge, and make it to my heart - that it would become a passion. I also have desired a better approach to health, and I've wanted to get back into running. Though I do not have the hair I once did, I did long to feel the wind against my face as I easily cruise running down the roadways of my small town. I also wanted to be in a position to help both my family, and the people I work with.

I'm in Scripture daily - for more time than I can remember, and I've deeply come to love the time I spend with God's Word. It's something I miss when it's been a chaotic morning and I wasn't able to spend the time I wanted to. I have even volunteered to speak from the pulpit - though not a fan of public speaking.

On top of it all, my workplace has seen some turnover, and the simultaneous opportunity to be a Director of 2 areas has opened up. I've enjoyed drawing these teams together, and I look forward to the future that we are starting to create. It certainly hasn't been without stress - as I continue to maintain the more technical aspects of my job while we pursue someone to handle those, but it's a challenge I look forward to daily.

... it's easy to get lost in the midst of the stress of each individual thing that has happened. But when comparing it against the desires I've lifted in prayer, it's unimaginable to believe God's Hand isn't uniquely at work.

So let me leave you with this - while I don't savor the impact MS could (and has already) had on my life, if this is the course God has permitted in my life - so that I may testify to His greatness and bring more glory to Him, then I'm thankful for MS. I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, but I know *who* has it in His hands.

--Jeff

Remembering Sandy Hook, but what has it taught us?

  One week ago, today, 20 children and 8 adults lost their lives, including the shooter that murdered his own mom, then turned to a local elementary school to continue his senseless violence.  People the world-over have continued to express their condolences and offer support to victims of this absolutely horrendous loss of life.

  During such times we often reflect on previous events that have had similar effects on us.  From Virginia Tech to Columbine, they have all stripped us of young lives cut down far too early.  Regardless of what you think about gun control, regardless of what you think about the events, we continue to struggle to truly grasp valuable lessons from these events -- with the exception of the family members directly impacted by them.  It's simple, *all* children are our future.  They are not just the future for one family, but the future for all of our families.  They are the ones that will grow up to be our leaders, servants of our society, protectors of the peace, doctors, teachers, pastors...  Each playing a vital role no less important than the rest.  Do we truly recognize this?  Or are we so bent on blaming something or someone for these tragedies, that we forget what is truly important?  Regardless of how we go about protecting our family, friends, and neighbors.  Whether we arm ourselves to the teeth with a broad assortment of the most powerful and legally available weaponry, or we choose to advocate a complete ban on all firearms, it won't stop these horrific events from occurring.

  So what is the issue, then?  It's mental health.  It's bullying.  It's the ostracization, labelling, and outcasting of individuals from our society that might otherwise be extremely beneficial.  It's about under-valuing our human resources in our society.  It's about fathers being active with their children and being lovingly firm with establishing clear boundaries about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.  It's about mothers showing their children how to reach out to those around them to try and make a better way for everyone.  It's about the family getting back to what is really important: the family.  It's about spending more time focusing on your family, and less time at the job.

  But, you say, what about gun control?  What about mass murder?  We need to stop this now!  Sure...let's talk about that for just a moment.  According to data from WSJ.com and MotherJones.com, more random murders are committed across America using blunt objects and knives, than are commited via assault or assault-style weapons in mass murders.  Re-read that.  Banning assault or assault-style weapons would not have stopped the loss of lives.  They might have reduced the scale, but banning baseball bats and knives would have done a better job across the US.

  Ignoring the above data, even if you were able to successfully remove all firearms across the US (legally and illegally), and even if you were able to prevent firearms from entering our country from outside sources, and you were even able to prevent any possible reason for the need to ever forcibly overthrow our own government (which is a Constitutional right, should the need truly arise -- just covering my bases), you would still have murders -- and even mass murders!  Would it be reduced in scale, quite possibly -- but not certainly.  Would it make our lives safer?  Possibly, but not certainly.  The truth is, there is no act/law/etc that we can put into place that will definitively prevent these events from occurring.  Anything done in such manner is simply working to resolve the symptom, not the root problem.  Banning firearms, in any form, is absolutely unacceptable.  It does nothing to resolve the issue.  To quote one of our Founding Fathers:

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759

  I would implore each of you to think critically for yourselves.  Realize what the true issues are.  Males,  between the ages of 18 and 39 are committing the overwhelming majority of murders across the US (around 85%).  Most are caused by strangers or acquaintances.  The saddest part is most happen because of petty fights and disagreements.   This crosses ALL boundaries.  This affects ALL of us.  Let's try to teach our children maturity, patience, humility, contentment, and love for those around us -- even the ones that frustrate us to no end.  We can be tolerant.  We can be peaceful.  We can stop this epidemic of violence without any law being passed as encouragement.  We can best remember those that have lost their lives to recently by working together to put an end to senseless violence.  Take this holiday season to hold your loved ones close, and extend an arm to your neighbor.

Luke 10:25-37

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

What does God say? - Christianity

Christianity.  Followers of Christ.  Christ-follower.  They all pretty much mean the same exact thing.  Notice that the word "Christ" is central to all of them.  Jesus of Nazareth.  Where would our faith be without Him?  And yet in times of turmoil we so often like to fall back into old habits and traditions that have been passed down from generations long-since passed.  Maybe we even resort to superstitions such as Ouija boards, tarot cards, horoscopes, or even fortune cookies.

I'm not advocating that we simply throw away our traditions - but we do need to be aware of their purpose.  In Mark 7 and John 8 Jesus was clear to outline that we need to recognize the origins of our faith to help us avoid mirroring non-Christian faiths, or that we might turn our traditions into our religion.

At the cornerstone of our religion is Jesus of Nazareth.  Any person who claims the religion of Christianity, yet rejects Jesus of Nazareth as the Christ and Son of God, is no more a Christian than a Porsche Carrera GT is a bicycle.  Sure they may have some semblances, but there is no doubt that they are not the same object.

Of course, all of us come from varying backgrounds, experiences, and understandings in regards to our faith.

Some of us perpetuate what we learned in Sunday School or from our parents/relatives, and really haven't taken a deeper dive into our faith.  This may have established a good foundation, but before that can be determined, we need to look at that foundation.  Check it against Biblical principles and core Scriptural knowledge.  Don't just lean on your own understanding or what you've always heard.  Try to  force yourself to look at it as if it is the first time you've ever read the Bible.  Taking nothing for granted, assume nothing, leave no stone unturned.

This side of Heaven, many things will continue to remain "unknown" or "grey" in their abilities to be understood.  Many things will be clear, but hold a different meaning for different individuals.  At the core of the Bible, we should all, however, be able to derive the same things: love God, love all of mankind, take care of what God has blessed you with, and always try to convey the love of Christ in ALL that you do - to everyone that you meet.  It's a tall order.  We aren't perfect.  Don't let that stop you from trying though!

(Phil 4:6-7) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Have a great weekend brothers and sisters.  May you be content with the blessings that our Creator lavishes upon your lives, recognizing that we are to use them to ultimately benefit the Kingdom and allow them to grow us closer to He who gives us all things.

What does God say? - Labeling

So...my wife is on a kick of looking for sugar-free, high-fructose-free, natural/organic groceries.  I think it's a great thing.  Until you really get to know what is on the shelves, what is the one thing you HAVE to do to try and follow this lifestyle?  You have to read the ingredients.  Why?  Because not everything about a product is going to be listed on the colorful front label...  You have to dig deeper.  Afterall, how do you know what you are eating/drinking if you don't read the ingredients?

Categorizing, organizing, classifying, studying, ...  labeling - our society is obsessed with these.  We apply these labels to anything we possibly can.  We do it to our bicycles, our cars, our houses, our clothes, our music, our light-bulbs, our friends, our family, strangers, ourselves, and even our faith.  Even if you don't subscribe to a specific faith you probably label yourself as "Agnostic".  But how many of us enjoy being labeled by others?  Some of us are not bothered in the slightest.  Some people even seek out being "labeled."

Have you ever been labeled by someone?  How accurately did that one label depict fully who you were?  Does that label still apply today?  Can't we, as "evolving" (and I do use that term loosely) humans, change?  Aren't we supposed to change?

Have you ever labeled someone, only to find out more information about that person, and had to change how you viewed them?

Have you ever started to get to know someone, and had them label themselves?  How closely did their label really identify with your understanding of that label?

I've had several friends approach me and label themselves as Christian, yet fail to follow many of the traditional tenets of Jesus' teachings.  Conversely I've had other friends approach me and label themselves as Atheists, and yet after much conversation about the subject, it was apparent that they were truly Agnostic.

Many of these problems stem from our human nature to want to quickly identify something to determine whether or not we need to look further into it.  It is all too easy to simply write something off once we've "determined" that is not something that we believe we are interested in.

The truth is, we've all got a story.  We've all got experiences.  We've all got something unique about us that is worth exploring.  We all have a unique perspective that can, when used properly, help others.

Upon hearing this, many people may simply write off the rest of this article because they like to say "if everyone is special, then nobody is special."  This is a logical fallacy that is as accurate as labeling a person that we have never heard of, from 1,000 miles off, while without the use of our eyes or ears.

So what's my motive in saying all this?  Is it to unravel the secrets of the universe?  No.  Is it to get us to all love one-another?  No...though that would be nice.

This is simply about looking deeper.  Deeper into others, and deeper into yourself.  You may think you know everything possible to know about yourself...but you never know what you may find when you finally cast off all your assumptions about what you *think* you know.

This is the part where you say, "but what if I don't like what I find?".

My answer?  Simple; that's ok.  Whatever you have found wasn't made for your purpose, it was made for God's.  Now find your place in that purpose, and there you will find much satisfaction.

What does God say? - Finances

I hope the rest of you enjoyed your 4th of July week.  I visited family in Michigan and had an absolute blast spending some time on the beach and relaxing with a good book.  It's a good 5~6 hour drive (more if you miss a certain on-ramp due to construction ;-) ) from where I live, and it's often an opportunity to reflect on things.  During these drives, my wife and I like to talk about various topics plaguing our minds.  Typically it borders on the mundane such as jobs, finances, things we have to take care of...  Some times we get into what I like to call the "meat" of life.  This time we started talking about, essentially, what is wrong with our society.

You see, my wife and I feel that there is an underlying problem with our culture.  We see a massive lack of objective morality.  Our society likes to look at everything *subjectively*.  We believe that things that we are facing only affects us, and that our steps of resolution are purely related to us and our specific situation.  As I continue to deepen in my faith, I feel more and more that this is completely untrue.  It appears to me that, if I take any given situation at face-value, and boil it to down what really are the basics of the circumstances, the Christian Bible can offer a perfectly workable solution 100% of the time.

Wait, what did I just say?  I know what you are thinking: there is absolutely NO way that an ancient STORY written hundreds of years ago ... even THOUSANDS of years ago, and written by many different authors, could possibly bear any light onto  my current situation -- let alone give me some insight on how to best resolve my dilemmas in life.

That's right, that is EXACTLY what I believe.

Before we go too deep into this, a lot of this stems from my current understanding of my relationship to my Heavenly Father.  You see, becoming a parent has altered my view of how I believe I am to relate to God.

As parents we have a responsibility to guard and educate our children in the paths we believe will best serve them for later life.  During this process, our children will often test us and ask us for things they believe will be beneficial to them *immediately*.  As an older (and hopefully more mature) human, I have a wealth of experience/knowledge/wisdom that allows me to see beyond my child's immediate desire, and look to their true needs.  So, instead of giving my child the candy that they deeply desire, but yet will keep them up until 10pm, I choose to give them an apple that will nourish them and allow them to sleep.

Where this all ties in is that, while I am an earthly father, God is my Heavenly Father.  He has experience/wisdom/knowledge that I could never attain.  When dealing with situations that are new to me or that I am struggling with, rather that succumb to my human nature/original sin of being arrogant enough to believe I can manage just fine on my own, I should turn to God's Word to see what His plan of dealing with my present circumstances should look like.

You see, by guessing on my own on how to resolve a situation I may very well resolve it sufficiently for myself.  However, in that resolution, did I ever glorify God?  How did I make sure to reflect Him, so that someone else might come to a better understanding of the Father?  This, I believe, is the primary reason why God has outlined so many situations in the depths of the Bible.

But wait, I know what you are saying, "this doesn't resolve my situation about [fill in the blank]", right?  Maybe it doesn't...but just maybe it does.  First you have to break down your situation.  What elements does it really comprise of?

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to spend some time talking about varying topics of where I am consciously making a choice to stand for God's Word, and die to my own definition of what I believe I should be doing.  For today lets look at a very prevalent area that many of us struggle with: finances

Q) I'm having a financially difficult time.  I have all of these bills, both expected and unexpected.  If something doesn't change soon, I'm going to lose EVERYTHING.  What does God say about this?

A) This is one of the basics.  No matter what day and age it is, finances have always been an issue.  The Bible talks ad nauseum about this.

1. Budgeting: Luke 14:28-30, Proverbs 27:33
2. Borrowing Money: Proverbs 22:7, Proverbs 22:26-27, Romans 13:8, Psalm 37:21 (also Charity), Ecclesiastes 5:5
3. Priorities: Matthew 6:24, Matthew 22:15-21, Deuteronomy 14:22-29

These are but a few references, but they are a great starting point.  Using this as a framework, we must first make sure we are setting our priorities correctly.  If we were to simply resort to our own methods we may consider borrowing from friends, taking out loans, selling stuff we have, etc.  Using God's plan, we first would need to examine our priorities.  We would first make sure that we are tithing to God.  Then we would make sure we are paying all the taxes that we owe.  Then we would create a budget to estimate the cost of our needs and our wants, taking into account what our income is.  A basic budget that is easy to adopt is the 10-10-80 rule:

1. 10% of our pre-tax income goes to God as tithe
2. 10% of our remaining income goes to savings
3. The rest of our remaining income goes to our normal expenditures (including taxes).

This is a fairly simple pattern that, while it may be initially difficult for some people to sacrifice their wants to ensure they are appropriately tithing, sets a great precedent for preventing latter financial hurdles.  People often rob savings and God to pay for wants (not needs).  Do you really need a larger home?  Sure it may be more convenient...but if you are robbing God or your savings (both of which can protect or buffer you from latter problems), is it really worth it?  God sets up such patterns for our lives not to make us unable to enjoy life, but rather to set up precedents for how we conduct our lives.  By setting up tithing as a pre-tax expenditure we are placing God at the head of our finances and demonstrating to Him that we are willing to serve, rather than seeking to be served.  When God leads, no matter what else may come, we can only succeed.

So, how do you get out of your present circumstances?  Don't wait until your are out of these difficulties to start adopting God's plan.  Do it now, and it will create a habit of healthy spending that will last a lifetime -- and will help guide your children, family, and friends -- glorifying God further!  Once you start trusting God, it's amazing what He does with your finances and what you have previously perceived as *needs*.  You may end up dumping cable or satellite TV.  You may go down to only 1 vehicle.  You may end up down-sizing in your home.  The important thing is that you do not let your pride stand in the way of what God NEEDS to do in your life.  God's plan isn't about you having all the wonderful gadgets that this world has to offer, new clothes when you desire, or even things we like to see as basics such as TV -- it is about glorifying God through our obeisance to His Word.  It is by setting examples that our children, family, and friends that create healthy habits.

...It is about allowing our selfish desires and pride to be replaced by His Will.

Thanks for reading.  Feel free to use the comments section below to ask me about what God says about other things that you face, and you might just find out how truly relevant God's Word is, even in our times.

Praise and glory be to God Almighty - the one who was, is, and always shall be.

"Ain't No Homo..."

Ok, this one makes my skin crawl.  In case you haven't seen the video clip, here it is...BUT LET ME WARN YOU!!!  In this video a child is singing a song titled "Ain't No Homo Makin' It To Heaven" in front of an entire congregation...and they are CHEERING!

I've been thinking about what to say about this for the past few days.  I simply cannot condone this.

Why are we Christians so enraptured by the topic of homosexuality?  Aren't there more important topics to deal with?  Why must we continually tread in an area where there is little to be won, and so much to be lost?  Why, rather than focusing on a specific demographic, don't we work to show how the Bible is still relevant in our society?

In terms of how God views a homosexual vs. heterosexual person, there is NO difference.  We all have sin in our lives and are equally disgusting to Him.  The sin a homosexual person commits is no different than the sin of adultery, of stealing, of being a drunk, etc.

Any place in the Bible that I have read that reference this issue say that the *act* of homosexuality is the sin - NOT simply being attracted to a person of the same gender.  This also means that you do not necessarily have to be a homosexual person to commit this sin -- simply if you have sex with someone of the same gender.

If only we were fractionally as graceful as our Heavenly Father, then maybe we could start to see His Creation through His eyes.  None of us deserve Heaven, so why do we think we can determine the status of another's salvation -- when we do such a poor job of ensuring our own?

Just remember: always try to see yourself from the other person's point of view.  If they don't see Christ in you (loving, compassionate, etc), then you probably are doing something wrong.

In <J><,
Jeff

A New Day...

It's Friday.  Today I get to take my wonderful wife of 9 years on an overnight trip for a night away from the kids (as wonderful as they are ;-) ) and celebrate our anniversary at a place where my grandparents formed many wonderful memories: Schula's Steakhouse.  I've been looking forward to this for about a month now.  Life has been so crazy -- so fast-paced -- that it feels like I really haven't had a chance to breathe.  Between work, church, and kids it feels like it's been ages since my wife and I just got an opportunity to just sit back and talk.  For one night there will be no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, no chores, and no distractions.  I thank God each and every day I get a chance to spend time with her (and that is definitely something I should tell her more often!).

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids.  We both do.  But that is also part of the problem.  It's hard to say no when they are just too much fun.  Needy as they are, they add an extra spice of life.  It is undoubtedly the most consuming and wonderful job in the world to be a parent!

Anyone who is out there in the blogosphere reading this, this is simply going to be a place where I (like most) will write out my online version of a diary.  I have no interest in keeping one, but I also feel compelled to share my thoughts about anything and everything.  I have no specific theme, no agenda...just an opportunity to give voice to my inner thoughts without muddying anyone else's.

Who am I?  Just a simple guy.  I define myself by what I see as my order of priorities in life:
1) God.  No bones about it, He's the numero-uno.  I struggle daily to die to self, family, my job, and my church, just so I can know Him more.  This doesn't mean that I don't occasionally (or routinely) fail to give Him credit or lapse into a non-Christian attitude for a bit...we all have our bad moments/days/weeks/etc.  Please forgive me when I do this.  It's definitely not intentional -- I know full-well that these displays of poor attitude do not glorify God, and therefore can become a stumbling block to anyone trying to get closer to God or get to know Him at all.  Believe me, He is worth EVERY effort we can expend in our little time on this Earth.  Non-Christians have NO clue what they are missing out on.  It's like the sensation of what we commonly call "falling in love".  It's like the perfect gift.  It's Heaven on Earth.  For those "Twilight" fans out there, it's like imprinting.  For those unfamiliar with it, here ya' go:

2) Family.  I may work a regular job, and I may serve many hours at my church, but if push comes to shove, my family will beat everything else but God.  By serving God more, I inherently serve my family.  You see, the rest of the world has it backwards.  They honestly believe that, even in a trusting relationship, you still need to look out for yourself.  That's not the way it was *designed*.  Serve your spouse and family with everything you have -- ignoring any notion of "self", and all of your needs will be met (but not always by them).  You don't serve them because you are expecting to be served in return...you just do it because you love them and because it's what Christ did for you first.
3) Church.  Yup, it's my direct responsibility after Family.  I am fully committed to serving the Body of Christ (not a specific location -- even though I do have a home church).  I am an Elder, the Youth Leader, and the Multimedia Director of my home church.  I do not swear any allegiance to any church, but believe fully in serving in any capacity the Holy Spirit directs me towards, and doing so with the full ability of my person.  Expecting to see me say Job after Family?  Nope.  With very rare exception to this rule, I will absolutely avoid allowing anything to stand between my family and our participation in the Body of Christ.  It's about fellowship.  It's about authenticity (I'm a sinner Monday through Saturday, so no sense pretending like I'm not on Sunday).  It's about renewing my spirit.  It's not a suggestion, it's an imperative.
4) Job.  Took a bit to get here..eh?  There is nothing wrong with making an honest income.  There's nothing wrong with making a *good* honest income.  It simply is not my foremost responsibility, and I fault any *Christian* if they believe it should be.  "You shall have no other gods before me" ring any bells?  I recognize Sabbath as any day that I can devote to God (either meditation on His Word, in prayer, in serving my Family, or any combination thereof).  If I have to work on Sunday, so be it.  I recognize other Christians are strictly Saturday-only or Sunday-only (not allowing work to be done on whichever day they recognize it, and setting it aside strictly for the purpose of meditation on God and His Word).  Kudos to them, it is a terrific discipline.  Maybe some day I'll adopt that attitude, but that is not what I feel the Spirit has directed me towards.  Since it is a "non-essential" in the Christian faith, I also avoid any argument concerning it, as I do not see it being beneficial for non-believers to hear any discourse over such matters.

There are many other priorities, but these are my top 4.  I just wanted to give you a synopsis of who I am by how I define myself.  These are my ideals -- something I try to fully live  up to.  I fall short; I'm a weak human...I'm not God.  As such, it is not my place to judge others.

Judgement...that's another topic that I am adamant about.  People often like to use the cliche "don't judge me" when we take about aspects of morality.  This is what I consider a "landmine" topic.  As Christians, we have to be VERY careful about citing the consequences of sin.  Let's talk about a few key points that we just carefully consider when discussing such matters:
1) Christ died for ALL, not *just* you.  You are no better than anyone else.
2) EVERYONE has a sinful nature (aka Original Sin).  You are tempted, just as everyone else is.  Just because you have received the *gift* of Salvation does NOT mean that you are exempt.
3) Just because you attend church does NOT make you a Christian.  Just like standing in a garage doesn't make you a car.  Being a Christian is a *lifestyle*.  If you aren't producing Spiritual Fruit, you can be pretty sure that God, at best, sees you as luke-warm (which is VERY dangerous ground).
4) The wages of Sin *is* death.  A "wage" is compensation for a job that has been performed.  If your lifestyle is steeped in Sin, regardless of what you consider yourself, you can bet that God sees you as a person still in need of a Savior.  This, however, does not give Christians free license to go out shouting that everyone else is going to Hell.  Doing so does NOT glorify God, nor does it show any love or compassion towards fellow humans.  If you participate in this sort of activity, please get off the "milk" and get onto the "meat"...you are lacking in Spiritual Maturity.

Just to make it clear, I believe that there is a clear distinction between accountability and judgement:
   Accountability: the agreed-upon practice between Believers that permits us to talk honestly, openly, and in the spirit of love about concerns we may have pertaining to potentially non-Christ-like attitudes or behaviors that we are dealing/struggling with to allow other trusted Believers to (in a Christ-like manner) confront us and hold us accountable to ensure we are not falling into sin.  Re-read that.  It is not something that I just go run over to my Christian friend and tell him that he is a horrible person because he uses explicit language or is engaging in illegal activities.  It is a situation where I tell my friend that I need their help in making sure I keep away from the sinful things that I have a temptation towards.
   Judgement:  Tons of different perceptions about this.  Our society likes to tell us that someone is judging you if they make a comment about something you do, say, etc that they disagree with.  To me, this is just stating opinions.  To me, judgement is more about the verdict/sentencing, than it is with the accusation.  When I run up to a random person on the street and tell them they are a sinner and is going to Hell -- that, my friends, is judgement.  Does it glorify God?  No.  Does it communicate the love of Christ to the unbeliever?  No.

To keep it simple, always try to see yourself from the other person's point of view.  If they don't see Christ in you (loving, compassionate, etc), then you probably are doing something wrong.

That's it for now.  I'll write whenever I get the strange notion to.  It may be once a week, or even a few times a day...you never know!  Until then...praise to God, may I glorify Him in ALL things!

In <J><,
Jeff